Nothing new to report

Today is the 11th day since we got our PA. I don't expect to hear anything more until at least next week or the week after. But I'm still not losing hope that we'll get a surprise call this week.

~~~ I'd love to hear your voice this week Stephanie -- hint, hint.
:)

So below is something I have read on may adoption sites and blogs and came across it again today on a blog -- so I thought I'd share it with everyone. I have lots of friends that are either getting home from traveling, in China now or getting ready to travel -- so I thought the timing was right to review the basics again. We have shared all these topics with our family and friends over the past three years but it's always good to review them again. You'd be surprised at how once people hear you are adopting they all have advise for you on what to do. And this mostly comes from people who have never adopted international, domestically or sometimes don't even have children. And a lot of the times it's from complete strangers -- like when you are at the grocery store buying extra bottle nipples to pack for your trip and the cashier asks if you have a new baby and you say 'yes -- I'm adopting a baby girl from China'. Then the advise on raising my baby girl comes flooding out. It's kind of funny in a sad twisted sort of way. I just try to bite my tongue and smile.

So here's some dos and don'ts:

Do
1. Offer household help (running errands, preparing meals that can go right from the freezer to the oven, etc.) so the mother can spend more time holding the child.
2. Trust the mother's instincts. Even a first time mother may notice subtle symptoms that well-meaning family and friends attribute to "normal" behavior.
3. Accept that attachment issues are difficult for anyone outside of the mother to see and understand.
4. Be supportive even if you think everything looks fine to you.
5. Allow the parents to be the center of the baby's world. One grandfather, when greeting his grandson, immediately turns him back to his mom and says positive statements about his good mommy.
6. Tell the baby every time you see him what a good/loving/safe mommy he has.
7. When the parents need someone to care for the baby for a night out, offer to babysit in the child's home. (After the child has been home for a substantial period of time.)
8. As hard as it may be for you, abide by the requests of the parents. Even if the baby looks like he really wants to be with Grandma, for example, he needs to have a strong attachment to his parents first. Something as simple as passing the baby from one person to another or allowing others, even grandparents, to hold a baby who is not "attached" can make the attachment process that much longer and harder. Some parents have had to refrain from seeing certain family members or friends because they did not respect the parents' requests.
9. Accept that parenting children who are at-risk for or who suffer from attachment issues goes against traditional parenting methods and beliefs. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.
10. Remember that there is often a honeymoon period after the child arrives. Many babies do not show signs of grief, distress, or anxiety until months after they come home. If the parents are taking precautions, they are smart and should be commended and supported!

Don't
1. DON'T Assume an infant is too young to suffer from emotional issues related to attachment. Babies are not immune.
2. DON'T Underestimate a new mother's instincts that something isn't right.
3. DON'T Judge the mother's parenting abilities. What looks like spoiling or coddling may be exactly what the child needs to overcome a serious attachment disorder. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.
4. DON'T Make excuses for the child's behaviors or try to make the mother feel better by calling certain behaviors "normal". For example, many children who suffer from attachment issues may be labeled strong-willed by well-meaning family members. While being strong-willed can be seen as a positive personality trait, this type of behavior in an attachment-impaired child may signify problems.
5. DON'T Accuse the mother of being overly sensitive or neurotic. She is in a position to see subtle symptoms as no one else can.
6. DON'T Take it personally if asked to step back so the parents can help their child heal and form a healthy and secure attachment. You may be asked not to hold the baby for more than a minute. This is not meant to hurt you. It is meant to help prove to the baby who his mommy and daddy are. Up until now the child's experience has been that mommies are replaceable. Allowing people to hold the baby before he has accepted his forever mommy and daddy are can be detrimental to the attachment process.
7. DON'T Put your own time frames on how long attachment should take. One mother was hurt when she was chastised by a relative who couldn't understand...after all, the baby had been home six months. It could take weeks, months, even years. Every child is different.
8. DON'T Offer traditional parenting advice. Some well-meaning family members will tell a new mother not to pick the baby up every time he cries because it will spoil him. A child who is at-risk or who suffers from attachment issues must be picked up every single time he cries. He needs consistent reinforcement that this mommy/daddy will always take care of him and always keep him safe.
9. DON'T Fall into the appearance trap. Some babies/toddlers with attachment issues can put on a great show to those outside of the mother/father. What you see is not always a true picture of the child. Even babies as young as 6-months-old are capable of “putting on a good face” in public.
10. DON'T Lose hope. With the right kind of parenting and therapy, a child with attachment issues can learn to trust and have healthy relationships. But it does take a lot of work and a good understanding of what these children need.

We are planning for the worst with attachment issues with Cassie and praying for the best. Hopefully we will fall somewhere in the middle of the road. Only time, love, understanding and prayer will help get our baby girl through the tough times.

I'm hoping the next update I do includes a picture of our sweet baby girl.

Keep praying that it's really soon!!!!