Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Rivalry update

Yesterday's post was part of the "keeping it real" series started several months ago.   It's not all sunshine and butterflies, as we like to say around here.    But occasionally a sunbathed butterfly does grace us with its presence, and we do take note.    This so-called sibling rivalry isn't really a rivalry yet because Chloe isn't fighting back.   Cassie is trying to stake her claim to a resource that until Monday was 100% hers.   Chloe never thought it was hers, so she's not fighting for it.   Yet.    


And even for Cassie it's not a 24x7 throwdown.   Cassie also has her tender moments with her new sister.   She truly is the "big" sister in many ways.   She towers over Chloe by 3 or 4 inches.    She is stronger, more coordinated, and more in tune with her surroundings.   Cassie "gets" gravity, while gravity still "gets" Chloe.   Cassie literally runs circles around her sister.   But she also "helps" her.    Cassie tries to brush Chloe's teeth.    She pets her hair and slowly says "nice" (something we taught her to do with Tehya, the faithful family Doberman).   Cassie feeds Chloe, helps her stand, and laughs when Chloe laughs, cries when Chloe cries.   


And then every once in a while, she'll swipe a toy or a bite of food.    So this is a work in progress.    If yesterday was D-Day, then today was Armistice Day.   Yeah, I know - I'm mixing wars, but hopefully you get my drift.



On to other news...

In addition to visiting Chloe's orphanage, we also visited her finding place.   Chloe was left in the ladies bathroom on the first floor of the administration building of a local children's hospital.   She was dressed in pink, wrapped in a red & white checked blanket, with 500 Yuan (roughly $70).    This is a very busy hospital, and the bathroom is the only one on that floor.   What does this mean?   Think about it for a moment.   The birth mother could have chosen not to leave money with Chloe.   Why would she leave money with her?   Probably so that whoever found her would have that money to help care for her.    Why would she leave her in a busy hospital?    What better place?   Chloe needed medical attention.   She had a cleft palate which meant that she could not suckle.   The birth mother most likely decided that she was in over her head but still wanted the best for her child.   She made the decision she thought was best for Chloe.    That means she cared about her child.   That knowledge doesn't really change anything for us as adoptive parents.    We can't control her past.   We must instead give her the best possible future.   However, one day Chloe will grow up and she will likely have questions about her origin.    This information, however meager, may help answer some of her questions.    And in case you're wondering - "why the restroom?"    Well, that's probably the easiest question to answer.    Abandoning a child is illegal in China.   You can't walk into the hospital and set a baby down in the waiting room in front of a hundred witnesses.    The fact that there is risk involved for the mother makes it all the more apparent that her choice of a busy hospital had specific intent, which was for the benefit of the child.


That's all for now.  


Dana said...

I just love you guys for telling it like it is. We need to do that more in the adoption community. I am happy to hear you have some moments of peace with the girls. Do you just love saying "the girls"!!! I can't wait to see pictures of Cassie and Chloe smiling and giggling together. It will happen before you know it.

Heather Hale said...

Glad to hear the dust settled a little today. This is a big transition for Cassie; she's going to have challenging moments. This is not unique to your situation. Most "first-borns" struggle with the arrival of a brother or sister (or both in my case ;) and suddenly having to share mommy and daddy. And let's face it, toddlers have difficulty sharing ANYTHING. Here's a poster I once saw: "Toddler's Rules. If I like it - it's mine. If it is in my hand - it's mine. If it looks like mine - it's mine. If I think it's mine - it's mine. Everything else is mine too!"

Amy, Jeff, & Ashton said...

great updates, guys -- you are so wise in your sensitive and humor filled approach to your daughters as they figure out which place they will each take in your family -- no doubt they'll be best of friends and biggest of annoyances to each other for years to come, all swirled around love, loyalty, and the unification of your family (as siblings are!).. so happy for you guys! meanwhile, it is probably actually a really really good thing that Chloe has the developmental delays as it makes them seem more "different" so less threat to Cassie! thanks for sharing your journey! You guys are great & your daughters beautiful!

M & M said...

Glad things are getting a tad bit better. We need some photos tho !!

Hope the poop issues get resolved quickly!!